tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67883472341842039212024-02-08T09:33:21.535-06:00The Atari ThiefZac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-86058147815687091242007-04-06T16:53:00.000-06:002007-04-06T20:37:46.370-06:00Akkanvader - 1995 - Taito<center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvadertitlescreen.jpg" /></center><br /><br />Clones are a tricky thing. If you simply take one well established idea, swap the color pallet and give it a slightly different name, everyone will call you out on it, if not outright sue your lazy ass. On the other hand, done right it can win over a lot of gaming fans with an insightful and creative slant on the well established norms.<br /><br />Take <i>Space Invaders</i>, for a totally random example. Just about everyone with at least one functioning eyeball knows what it looks like and how it plays. Columns of blocky alien ships slowly crab-walk left and right, jumping down one row every time they reach the left or right edge of the screen. You control a ship on the bottom, and the object of the game is to clear the board of alien ships before they reach the bottom of the screen and nuke the world. Simple. <i>Very</i> simple. It's an easy concept to understand, and has an almost infinite range of possible enhancements. You know, like adding <i>color</i> and <i>variety</i>. Simple.<br /><br />It's no surprise that there exactly 1,035,648,399 different clones of the original <i>Space Invaders</i>. Today, I'm taking a look at one of them, Taito's <i>Akkanvader</i> from 1995. It's colorful, cute, and best of all, fun!<br /><span id="fullpost"><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvaderpeople1.jpg" /></center><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvaderpeople2.jpg" /></center><br /><br />Here's a look at the wide range of characters you have to pick from. Each character flies in a different ship, from the standard <i>Invaders</i> craft, to a dog in a trash can, to, well, a flying poo. Yep, those are poops on the right hand side. The character you choose has no bearing on the game, as each craft behaves in exactly the same way. Ultimately it just comes down to whether or not your want to be a flying space hero, dog, or pile of shit.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvaderstageselect.jpg" /></center><br /><br />There are five main worlds, with several sub-stages in each main world. You'll fly through space stations, over a beach, over a giant ramen bowl, even through a haunted house. Each stage is practically vomiting colors out of the screen, from the colorful alien enemies, colorful backgrounds and colorful explosions and effects. <i>Everything</i> about <i>Akkanvader</i> is colorful as well as playfully animated, often making it quite difficult to tell just what the hell is going on. I'm not sure if this added level of difficulty is intentional or not, but it's ultimately a good thing, because <i>Akkanvader</i> is as easy as it is full of color. <br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvader01.jpg" /></center><br /><br />Now that I've talked up the color angle, here's a look at the first stage. D'oh! Good ol' b&w retro goodness. If this doesn't immediately pull you in, then perhaps this isn't the game for you. In fact, <i>Akkanvader</i> really is a game just for those of us who have spent way too much time with the source material. To truly appreciate the game, a love of <i>Space Invaders</i> is a must.<br /><br />Anyway, back to the stage. While the opening retro blast (right down to the awesome retro sounds!) is all well and good, these days we expect a little something more from our casual entertainment. So...<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvader02.jpg" /></center><br /><br />Hey look, color! You'll only get a few seconds to blast those cute little buggers before they quickly switch over to slightly more 3D and greatly more colorful little sprites with cute faces. So cute in fact that you'll be happy to shoot off those faces many, many times.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvader03.jpg" /></center><br /><br />The aliens soon start to take on less traditional forms, like these large blobby guys that break up into smaller guys as you blast away at them. <br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvader04.jpg" /></center><br /><br />One feature that <i>Invaders</i> didn't have was bosses. <i>Akkanvader</i> has a large boss at the end of each world. Here we see your basic robot boss, sending out his robot clone soldiers. <br /><br />This is also a good time to mention that you have the ability to charge your laser by holding down the fire button. The only time this is of any use is when fighting the bosses. A few well aimed boosted shots and the boss will be doing the dance of death in no time.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvader05.jpg" /></center><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvader06.jpg" /></center><br /><br />There are plenty of off-beat baddies to blast to bits, like chickens, fish, octopi and ghosts. Some of them march left and right, some up and down, some in circles or in pyramid formation. There are also "bonus stages" where a few lines of aliens will shoot across the screen for your sharp-shooting pleasure. All of these variations touch on the original <i>Invaders</i> material, even if only in the most tenuous of ways.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvader07.jpg" /></center><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvader08.jpg" /></center><br /><br />Here we see another boss, this time a huge woman who seems to be wearing a red crab/bunny suit and large crab claws. Don't ask questions. It's all in a days work for our heroes.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvader09.jpg" /></center><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvader10.jpg" /></center><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvader11.jpg" /></center><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvader12.jpg" /></center><br /><br />This is the haunted house world. There are rows of coffins, plenty of mummified cat looking things and furniture that flings itself at you. That last image is of the boss, a sheet covered ghost who likes to keep his friends close at hand...when he's not tossing them at you, of course.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvader13.jpg" /></center><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvader14.jpg" /></center><br /><br />The final world pulls out all the stops, sending a withering array of aliens at you from throughout the entire game. My favorite bad guys are in this level, those little green guys. They are sent out en-mass to toss bombs at you. They have a cute bomb-tossing face, and an even cuter death animation. Nothing like getting a chuckle out of frying a few poor foot soldiers. <br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvader15.jpg" /></center><br /><br />This is the final totally awesome boss. A giant Invader! He sends out equally giant spongy eye beams that you can deflect with a few shots, and a speedy zig-zag beam from his mouth. He also has a couple flailing arms and an array of beams that appear out of his body. He gradually walks toward the bottom of the screen before unleashing a barrage of attacks and moving back to the top. Again, a lot of dodging, boost shots and luck will get you past this guy in no time. <br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvader16.jpg" /></center><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvaderend01.jpg" /></center><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvakkanvader/akkanvaderend02.jpg" /></center><br /><br />At the end you are rewarded with a bit of Enrgish and a couple happy heroes. And no chance to continue! Yeah, it's game over, no matter how well you played. Ah well, you'll want to jump back in right away regardless. <br /><br /><i>Akkanvader</i> is a really fun, really mindless shooter. It's covered in frosting and candy sprinkles and will have you coming back for more, just like its great grandfather did way back when.<br /><br />Here's a video of the first stage. I'll be adding more soon. Enjoy!<br /><br /><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/KxQrdZLvPtQ"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/KxQrdZLvPtQ" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object><br /><br /></span>Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-10349232824937790822007-03-19T08:49:00.000-06:002007-03-19T13:25:48.007-06:00How I Spent My Winter VacationHey there. It's been a while since I've been around these parts. Long story short, I've been busy being a new writer for <a href="http://www.japanator.com">Japanator</a>. You can browse through my most recent posts <a href="http://www.japanator.com/author/Zac%20Bentz">here</a>. If I may, I'd like to point you to a few that I'm most proud of so far.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.japanator.com/album-review-polysics-katate-house">Polysics <i>Karate House</i> Review</a> In case you didn't know, Polysics is my favorite band of all times and spaces. They've just released a new album and are celebrating their 10th anniversary as a band. I'm working on getting an interview with them, but seeing as how <a href="http://www.japanator.com/tofu-records-closing-its-doors">Tofu Records has shut down</a>, it's probably going to take some work.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.japanator.com/japanator-exclusive-danny-choo-interview">My interview with Danny Choo.</a> I've spent an awful lot of time sifting through the massive number of photos that Danny takes of various idols, anime figures and general nerdy otaku stuff. It was great to have a chance to talk with him a bit about his site and super cool Stormtrooper exploits. (<a href="http://digg.com/celebrity/Exclusive_Interview_With_Tokyo_Stormtrooper_Danny_Choo">Digg it here!</a>)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.japanator.com/american-anime-awards-award-japanese-anime-wait-what">The American Anime Awards</a> attempted to award all Japanese anime available in America up to 2006. It was a hopeless cause to begin with, but they managed to fail even beyond everyone's expectations. (<a href="http://digg.com/movies/American_Anime_Awards_Fail_At_Life">Digg it here!</a>)<br /><br />Japan is well known for it's various and numorus cute mascots. <a href="http://www.japanator.com/everything-is-someone">I rounded up a few</a> that I found most interesting. Did you know that your OS is really a little girl?<br /><br />I started off my Jtor posts with <a href="http://www.japanator.com/cosplay-the-good-the-bad-the-oh-god-my-eyes">a real winner</a> and managed to visually offend just about everyone. Sorry guys.<br /><br />So there's that. I'm also busy with my <a href="http://www.thesurfactants.com">two</a> <a href="http://www.thestatechamps.org">bands</a>, and of course I have more game reviews on the way. Oh, make sure to check out the past reviews, as I've added (rather blurry) movies to all of the "MAME Vault" games.Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-91345499619302961992007-01-16T15:04:00.000-06:002007-03-19T08:48:10.925-06:00Tron - 1982 - Bally Midway<center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvtron/mvtronlogo.jpg"/></center><br /><br /><blockquote>Let's remember, the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie." <i>—George Carlin</i></blockquote><br /><br />Mr. Carlin has a point. Not all media are created equal, but that doesn't mean that every movie is a masterpiece. For instance, movies made from video games just aren't any good. A quick glance through <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_movies_based_on_video_games">this Wiki</a> of movies based on video games will prove it. The best review they can ever get is "Well, it wasn't as bad as I expected."<br /><br />If you ask me (and why not) this discrepancy between a successful video game and its big screen adaptation is a matter of involvement, between both the audience and the creators. With the latter, it's really only a question of money. The studios and producers are only interested in cashing in on the good name of an already established game and its prepackaged material. The game's name alone is enough to draw people (fans of the game) in. The irony here is that it is this very group of fans that will also be the most vocal detractors if the movie fails to live up to the game. These fans have spent huge amounts of time not only playing the games (which can sometimes involve over a hundred hours to complete) but also in dissecting the minutiae they are able to dig up from various sources (pre-production material, in-game hints, interviews etc.) Where the movie studios see only the glossy surface, the fans see entire universes. Therefore it is impossible for a ninety minute movie to ever have a chance to capture the spirit of an interesting video game that could take many months for a player to fully discover. At best, a movie can only be a sort of Cliff's Notes for those unfamiliar with the game.<br /><br />That would be all well and good if not for the plague of film-makers who insist on adding material that isn't in the game. What ever happened to "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"? The most grievous example of this is the recent <i>Silent Hill</i> movie. For his own personal reasons, Christophe Gans felt that an audience could never believe that a father could feel the same emotions of a mother, so he swapped the male Harry Mason character for a new female Rose Da Silva. Not only is this nonsensical, it is insulting to any man who has ever panicked at having lost a child in a crowded mall, or any mother who <i>didn't</i>. What Gans failed utterly to understand is that both Harry Mason and James Sunderland (from SH2) are more than just shells shaped like men, they are <i>well developed characters</i>. Both of them have lost their families and are suddenly thrown into a world were everything reminds them of their past mistakes. Instead of exploring these depths of emotion and <i>exploiting</i> the fact that they are men, Gans takes the well worn low-road and simply plops in the stereotypical hysterical mother. This is only one in a long list of changes that effectively (and literally) castrate the movie.<br /><br />It's as if film makers are <i>trying</i> to give video games a bad name. If a game-based movie succeeds, then it was only because the director was able to lift the game to a higher level. If it fails, they would have us believe it's because the game wasn't any good to begin with.<br /><br />This gross misunderstanding of what makes original source material special is not limited to film, and also works in both directions. A good film often makes a poor game, as seen on every Atari 2600 attempt. A good film often makes for a bad book, although in the case of <i>Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace</i> it's a tough call as to which is worse. Good books rarely make for good movies, just ask Stephen King. In my opinion, these examples could be applied to every form of media and in every direction, including Mr. Carlin's. Simply put, I don't think it's <i>ever</i> a good idea to try and shoehorn a good idea in one medium into that of another. This is why we keep getting those abysmal Harry Potter movies, after all.<br /><br />That is, of course, unless we're talking about <i>Tron</i>. <i>Tron</i> has been the only successful attempt to bring a movie into the video game realm. No surprise there, seeing as how the movie is <i>about</i> playing video games. Plus, neither the game nor the film has any real depth to it. The characters are non-dimensional and perfectly suited for an anonymous role in a game. There are even several references in the movie to the fact that it's all one big game being played. The light-cycle scene from the movie could be considered an example of current generation technology, and its representation in the game is perfect. Tank fights? Again, video game gold. The Moog-heavy soundtrack? A perfect format to be faithfully re-created in the game.<br /><br />With that said, let's take a closer look at just what the game has going for it.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvtron/mvtrontitle.jpg"/></center><br /><br />Like many early arcade games, there isn't really any flashy title screen, just the no-frills information. We don't even see the name of the game!<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvtron/mvtronpoints.jpg"/></center><br /><br />Here's a run-down of the various enemies and their value. The scoring system is a bit flawed though, considering that there are usual a fixed number of enemies per stage. You usually just have to clear the board of baddies to advance to the next level.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvtron/mvtronselect.jpg"/></center><br /><br />Here we finally see the "Tron" logo in all its glory. What we have here is the stage select screen. There are four different game types to choose from: Tanks, Cycles, MCP and I/O Tower. While you get to choose which direction you move the cursor, you won't know what game you'll get until after you've made you choice. If you manage to beat all four games the first time, then you'll be able to see which stage you're getting into before hand on all subsequent play through. <br /><br /><center><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/63RgrnyqbpU"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/63RgrnyqbpU" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></center><br /><br />Now, on to the stages!<br /><span id="fullpost"><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvtron/mvtronlight.jpg"/></center><br /><br />The Light Cycle stage is easily the most iconic image not only of the game, but of the movie. As far as images that every child (and adult) of the early eighties has burned into their brains, this one is right next to the Ewoks and Ferris Bueller on the parade float. The game plays exactly like you would expect. It's very fast and intense, and can be over even before you realize what's going on. The controls are a bit clunky and can sometimes turn those lightning fast u-turns into suicide missions. Nevertheless, this is easily the most exciting and most movie-faithful of the four games.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvtron/mvtrontanks.jpg"/></center><br /><br />Here we have the tank game. While there wasn't really a tank vs. tank scene, this is a fair trade. It would have made much more sense to place the Recognizers in as the enemies, but the game play would be the same. Here again the control can sometimes get in the way of precise maneuvers, so it's best to play defense and just blast away in the hopes that your beam will bounce in the right direction. The pace picks up quickly as more tanks are added in later stages, making for some very exciting play.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvtron/mvtroncore.jpg"/></center><br /><br />This is a half-assed rendering of the master MCP from the movie. Instead of an ominous spinning red face, we get a slowly rotating "breakout" style wall. It's made up of several layers that you have to break away and squeeze past to reach the core. Also, instead of Tron throwing a disc, he has the same blaster-style weapon from the spider game. This is probably the most underwhelming of the four games. <br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvtron/mvtronspider.jpg"/></center><br /><br />This is the I/O tower that Tron used in the movie, although it is used quite differently in the game. Here, you have to bast and dodge box-bodied spider-like creatures while running toward the circle in the center. I don't seem to remember any of these spiders in the movie. It's fun to run around and zap them to try and rack up some points, but really it's much easier to just sprint for the circle. Once you get there, instead of just sending Tron's disc up the beam of light, Tron himself is lifted up to the heavens.<br /><br />While the game may seem simple, both visually and in terms of the level design, it stays true to the spirit of the movie. It is fast paced and to the point. It doesn't allow itself to be crushed by its own ego and instead delivers high impact visuals and an interface that's intuitive and immediate. All of these things are what allow both the game and the movie to retain their status as classics in their field. People attempting to cross-pollinate their media would do well to closely study <i>Tron</i> in all its forms. <br /><br />You can hear all of the sounds in the game in <a href="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvtron/tronsounds.mp3">this mp3.</a><br /></span>Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-60793892302631586422007-01-11T09:50:00.000-06:002007-03-19T08:43:16.306-06:00Galaga - 1981 - Namco<center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvgalaga/galagawave.jpg"/></center><br /><br />My earliest memory of playing a video game is of standing on a puke-red plastic chair to reach the controls of a “Galaga” machine. “Galaga” was originally released in 1981, so I would have been at least five years old at the time, which feels just about right to me. This would have been long before I owned an Atari 2600, and was probably before I had even played any of “Galaga's” predecessors, like “Gorf” or “Space Invaders.” For me, this was the <i>ur</i> gaming experience and probably explains why I'm still in love with the game twenty-five years later. <br /><br />Not only that, but it goes a long way to explaining my belief that the best video games are also the most zen-like. With the release of the Nintendo Wii and, before that, the explosion of on-line collaborative and competitive gaming, it's obvious that there is a huge demand for various modes of head-to-head gaming. Games where two or more people are directly connected in one gaming space. “Party” games. I look forward to all that the Wii has to offer, but my roots, and I expect the roots of many other gamers over twenty-five or so years, are firmly planted in single player versus a relentless army of space aliens firmament. I've personally never seen the appeal of MMORPGs or on-line FPSs. I've felt the total opposite in fact. The idea of having to travel around a world with a horde of l337 speaking twelve year olds is the furthest thing from enjoyment I can think of.<br /><br />When you play a single player shooter (or any other single player game for that matter, but mostly shooters) it's just you versus the game. Look a little deeper and you'll see that it's really you versus <i>yourself</i>. It's not a question of whether or not you can defeat the never-ending rush of space mutants, it's whether or not you can beat your best score, or surpass the previous stage. It's finding the ability to focus all of your attention on a single simple task: stay alive just a little longer, shoot just a little straighter, fly just a little tighter. Eventually the world fades out around you and you don't even need to think about what you are reacting to. The game seems to be playing itself. <br /><br />This feeling of losing control is what some athletes call “the zone.” All of the variables fall away and everything just happens. It's as if you are just a fraction of a second in the future and are able to react just before the critical moment. In a way, the standard arcade cabinet is a sort of physical realization of this feeling. It's like putting on blinders so that all you can see and hear is coming directly from the screen. A similar experience may be evoked from RPGs after extended periods of play. The player may lose themselves in the game world for hours at a time without realizing it. It is at these points of heightened play that I feel a game reaches its zenith. The player is made to lose all physical attachments and is functioning on a purely mental level, minus a few electrical pulses to twitch at the controller. It may be easy to look at this outward closing off and shutting down as a brain-dead, zombie-like state, but this is actually where the brain clicks into high gear, moving in several directions at once. We have moved into a true virtual reality devoid of the body.<br /><br />Of course, in reality, we are still limited by our physical body and the physical limitation of the gaming hardware. “Galaga” is as much about smashing the button and jerking the joystick as it is going down the rabbit-hole of the mind. One has to build some sharp hand/eye skills as well as a memory of the various flight patterns of the enemy ships, just like every other “Invaders”-like clone. Where “Galaga” succeeded for me was in its unique (at the time, at least) variations of game play. <br /><br /><center><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/NW-ydFFK1yY"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/NW-ydFFK1yY" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></center><br /><br />“Galaga” is about as standard a shooter as a shooter can get. What makes it a step above many others is the presentation. The bug-like enemies are almost cute, undeniably colorful and animated just enough to breathe a little life into them. <br /><span id="fullpost"><br /><br />The bugs fly onto the screen in formation, one section at a time. There are only three types of bugs; the wimpy red guys, the elite blue squad, and the big green guys at the top. <br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvgalaga/galagawave2.jpg"/></center><br /><br />You are able to blast them as they fly in. If you're quick and accurate enough you may even be able to clear them all before they are able to form up in their rows. This is what the kids call “PWNING” the wave.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvgalaga/galagaplay.jpg"/></center><br /><br />The blue guys also have a trick up their sleeves (assuming they have sleeves.) They are able to morph and separate into three super secret fighters.<br /> <br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvgalaga/galagamorph.jpg"/></center><br /><br />There are a few different types of fighters that they’ll change into depending on what stage you’re on. Each group is tougher and cooler looking the further you advance. <br /><br />Another special attack comes from the green guys. If there are at least two of them on the screen, one will send out a tractor beam. <br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvgalaga/galagatwin1.jpg"/></center><br /><br />If you steer your ship into the beam, your ship will be spun around and lifted onto the back of the ship.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvgalaga/galagatwin2.jpg"/></center><br /><br />He will then fly back up to his place at the top of the formation.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvgalaga/galagatwin3.jpg"/></center><br /><br />When he makes his next bombing run, you’ll have a chance to blast him and reclaim your stolen ship and achieve the much sought after twin fighter!<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvgalaga/galagatwin4.jpg"/></center><br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvgalaga/galagatinw5.jpg"/></center><br /><br />Having the twin fighter is an absolutely essential part to mastering “Galaga,” and you’re able to achieve it on the very first stage. I should probably point out (for you slower learners) that you want to make sure you have at least one extra fighter in reserve before flying into the tractor beam, otherwise it’s “Game Over” man. Game. Over.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvgalaga/galagachallenging.jpg"/></center><br /><br />Another of the more original aspects of the game is the “Challenging Stage.” These stages pop in between the regular stages every so often. It is here that we separate the true “Galaga” men from the “Galaga” boys. Ships will zoom across the screen in small numbers, and it’s up to you to blast each one before it zooms off of the screen. The only way to achieve a perfect score is to have the position of each wave memorized so you can move to the right spot before they appear. If you manage to get all forty, you’re treated to a special fanfare and the “Perfect!” message.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvgalaga/galagaperfect.jpg"/></center><br /><br />The girls will be <I>all</I> over you when they see that!<br /><br />When you’ve finally exhausted your supply of reserve ships, you’ll be given a ranking based on your hit/miss ratio.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvgalaga/galagaranking.jpg"/></center><br /><br />Yes! Grade me! Grade me! <br /><br />That’s it, really. Like I said, “Galaga” is simple, but like many simple and essentially un-win-able games it is also totally addictive. The only true competition here is yourself and your previous achievements. Good luck!<br /><br />---<br /><br />You can get an mp3 of all the songs and sounds that have haunted my dreams for 25 years right <a href="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvgalaga/soundsofgalaga.mp3">here.</a><br /></span>Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-75243318454572948162007-01-05T14:51:00.000-06:002007-01-10T15:25:00.381-06:00My Totally Scientific Poll<center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/theatarithiefgooglegraphic.jpg"></center><br /><br />Above are the results of a totally scientific and well researched poll I conducted via Google. Many would say that the internet was founded on Star Trek, porn, and Star Trek porn, but it would seem that it is now supported entirely by video games. Take <i>that</i> Dubbya!<br /><br />Also, someone needs to tell Wheaton that he's got over 21% of Star Trek stock. That's <i>just below</i> Shatner! Check for yourself.<br /><br />Anyway, this is going somewhere, but it's taking longer than I expected. Just wanted to let you know I'm not dead yet.Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-74549905506798368042006-12-20T00:01:00.000-06:002006-12-19T22:53:48.175-06:00What Carl Sagan Has Taught MeThis post is part of the world-wide <a href="http://joelschlosberg.blogspot.com/2006/11/announcing-carl-sagan-memorial-blog.html">Carl Sagan memorial blog-a-thon.</a> Ten years ago today, Carl Sagan died.<br /><br />I was very late to the Carl Sagan party. He died almost before I began to learn of his work. I don't think anyone was <i>totally</i> oblivious to the man. He was an icon of his time, just as he is today. In 1996 I was 20. I had just met my future wife. I was just starting to remember what it was that I loved about science, and I was just begining to read Sagan's books and watch his amusing and totally enthralling PBS series <i>Cosmos</i>. Now I'm no science nerd. I'm bad with numbers and abstract mathematical ideas. I find it difficult to study anything that I'm not 100% interested in at the time. Carl Sagan was just the man for the job. Carl Sagan made me interested.<br /><br />Sagan could make anything relevant to anything else. He could make the most simple concepts balloon into an all encompassing, mind-blowing cosmic symphony in just a few steps, and I wasn't (ironically enough) even on drugs!<br /><br />Two of Sagan's concepts that stand out most clearly in my mind today come from the same general idea. We humans are both small and fleeting. We are unique, yet cosmically insignificant. <br /><br />The first is his <a href="http://web.singnet.com.sg/~teohanch/t1CosmicCalendar.html">giant calendar of the cosmic year.</a> On it, Sagan mapped out the life of the universe based on one year, with the big bang occurring on midnight of January 1st, humanity first appearing at 10:30 p.m on December 31st and the Renaissance beginning at the very last second of the cosmic year. That would make the last 500 or-so years of our history on Earth total less than one second in the eyes of the universe. <br /><br />The other thing that sticks in my mind is his story about how Voyager 1, just before exiting our solar-system, spun around to take a look back toward home. This is what it saw:<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/122006.jpg"/></center><br /><br />The white dot on the right in the lighter strip is us. Sagan, of course, says it best in <i>Pale Blue Dot</i>:<br /><br /><blockquote>Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “superstar,” every “supreme leader,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there–on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.<br /><br />The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.<br /><br />Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.<br /><br />The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.<br /><br />It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.</blockquote><br /><br />Everything we know, everything we have been, everything we have done, is both small and short. We are not important to anything but ourselves. We are a single intake of breath. Yet that single unified breath has brought life to everything we know. We have come so far in such a small amount of time that we have yet to fully understand what we are. We have such potential, such a wide rage of possible futures. Yet we constantly teeter on the brink of total annihilation every day because each of us thinks that the universe was made just for us, with us at it's center. <br /><br />If the Earth were to vanish, either by our own means or that of the Vogons, no one out there would know, and even if they did, they wouldn't care. What can we do to change that? How can we save ourselves? If we are but one breath, what might be out there that's been breathing for hours or days? Don't you want to know? I mean seriously, don't you want to know?<br /><br />This is what Carl Sagan has taught me. That I want to <i>know</i>.Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-52936422079653185362006-12-19T21:27:00.000-06:002007-03-19T08:39:20.318-06:00Blocken - 1994 - Kid/Visco<center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvblocken/blockenstart.jpg" /></center><br /><br />In these times of super-computer fueled video-gaming extravaganzas it's easy to forget that a game is supposed to be <i>fun</i> from time to time. Of course, everyone's definition for "fun" differs. Some people think it's fun to enter a living world where they can lose their real-world persona. Some want to gather with friends and share in the experience first-hand. Others might want to challenge their mind with riddles or unique interactive puzzles. Sometimes you just want to watch pretty colors float around and listen to chirpy sounds while you veg-out.<br /><br />This vegging-out style of play is most often referred to as "casual-gaming." Most cell-phone type games fall into this category, as well as your factory installed solitaires and Minesweepers. These are games you can pick up, play for a few minutes, then put back down without worrying about saving your place or forming an attachment to it's characters (if any.) Modern casual-games have a more robust structure than early games like "Tetris" or "Breakout". Sure, they are still quick to play, but they are often surprisingly deep at the same time. Better graphics can give simple game-play a simple story and a few simple characters. Sure, you won't give a damn about those tiny depthless people, but a little gloss and shine can make a rather bland "Space Invaders" clone into a fresh new experience.<br /><br />Sometimes simply mashing two good ideas together is enough to bring the fun back to otherwise tired modes of play. Take the block breaking action of "Breakout," add the vertical down-scroll of "Tetris," some head-to-head action and sprinkle it with lots of pink and blue glitter and a mind-blowingly stereotypical anime-school-girl and you have "Blocken."<br /><br /><center><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/-HxcWQGQ6xY"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/-HxcWQGQ6xY" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></center><br /><br />Why will you play this until your rods and cones are blunt and useless? Continue on to find out!<br /><br /><span id="fullpost"><br /><br />As expected, there is very little story to be found in "Blocken." It would seem that an evil sorceress has made off with some sort of magic jewel that our heroine wants back. And...that's it. This can be neatly summed up in a few quick screens:<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvblocken/blockenintro1.jpg" /></center><br /><br />Bad-girl makes off with the jewel in her vanity-powered super tank. Along for the ride is Mr. Purple Pirate-Bird. More on both of them later.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvblocken/blockenintro2.jpg" /></center><br /><br />Good-girl thinks she can catch up to the tank on foot. Maybe they need to do a better job on the physics classes in Japan?<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvblocken/blockenintro3.jpg" /></center><br /><br />Good-girl is chased away by a psychedelic rainbow-ball that eventually turns into the games logo. Wait, what?<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvblocken/blockenselect.jpg" /></center><br /><br />There are four difficulty settings to choose, from "I'm just waiting for the coffee maker to warm up" to "That one guy that died from playing video-games for days without moving" to "Utada Hikaru." (Just Google her name along with "Tetris") Even after several attempts I couldn't get very far in the third tier, but that doesn't mean I won't give it another shot. Damn you obaba!<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvblocken/blockenstages.jpg" /></center><br /><br />The game attempts to form a plot by sending you around to different places on a world-map. Really this is just a device to gradually raise the difficulty and throw increasingly weird characters at you. The configuration of the blocks on each board also change up with each character. While the boards never reach the creative heights of some of the more traditional block-breakers, they are still fun to play though and present enough difficulty to keep you going for just one more round.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvblocken/blockenplayfield.jpg" /></center><br /><br />Here's the basic play-field. It's your standard block-breaking set-up. Most blocks take only one hit to break while others may take two or more. There is a row of bumpers at the bottom that will return your ball once before breaking, while at the same time sending the bricks down one space. There are also special star blocks that release orbs that you can collect. You can then use these collected orbs to send a blast of blocks over to your opponent with the hopes of ruining their day. The best way to <i>totally</i> piss on their parade is to store up eight orbs, which releases a massive volley of bricks as well as both turning your paddle into a flaming horror and your ball into an invincible killing machine that can cut through bricks like warm butter.<br /><br />There are two ways to win:<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvblocken/blockencrushwin.jpg" /></center><br /><br />The most obvious way is to clobber your opponent with a barrage of maxed out power-ups. This results in a crushing-press win for max humiliation!<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvblocken/blockenclearwin.jpg" /></center><br /><br />Then there is the clear-win where you manage to clear your side of the board before your opponent can send a new volley of bricks your way. You'll also have to keep the ball in play without it touching the bumpers on the bottom thereby sending more bricks scrolling down. If you can manage this you've earned your bragging rights and can feel free to make as many references to your ass and your opponents face as you wish.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvblocken/blockenbossworld.jpg" /></center><br /><br />Once you make it past the gauntlet of cotton-candy hairdos and testosterone-poisoned muscle-men you'll reach the second set of levels. These seem to be set just a hop skip and a jump away from your hometown. Over the river and through the skull shaped mountain caves to some crazy chick's Barbie Dream Castle of Doom we go. And lo! Who is on yonder welcome mat but none other than Mr. Purple Pirate Bird from our motivational opening film. It's not clear in that pic but he's sporting a dashing black eye-patch, just in case you were wondering why the hell I keep calling him a pirate. He could also be spewing a hail of "Yar!" and "Shiver me spindly little birdy legs!" and "Raise the suet feeder and cast off for the Johnson's bath on the way back!" but since I can't read Japanese I guess we'll never really know for sure.<br /><br />Would a bird-pirate have a little chirpy man on his shoulder?<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvblocken/blockenroboat.jpg" /></center><br /><br />Here's a look at one of the tougher guys from level two. I assume all four of those large objects hold an extra boss to fight for each level of difficulty. I'm not entirely sure what's going on here. Some sort of Navy-themed robot with a boat-style life-preserver and a large red phallus hanging between his legs? I mean, that's what it looks like to me, 'sall I'm sayin'. <br /><br />Seeing as how I'm a wuss when it comes to the higher levels of "Blocken" I can't say much else about the other bosses. I'm sure they are all totally awesome and a million times more crazy than the last. Like some sort of baby with a spider body and a huge penis, or maybe a block of tofu with a huge penis. I mean, the sky's the limit, with a huge penis!<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvblocken/blockenend1.jpg" /></center><br /><br />The ending for the first-level game is pretty disappointing. The crazy-girl with the surprisingly large boobs gets away with the jewel, while the Pirate Bird totally gives you the "I'm gonna get me some tonight!" look. This is probably the "bad" ending.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvblocken/blockenend21.jpg" /></center><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvblocken/blockenend22.jpg" /></center><br /><br />The second-level ending is much happier. Sailor-chan totally pwns the crazy tank-girl and gets all up onz, pushin' that phat rock all up in her grill. The next shot shows another stone on a chess board in some distant land. Well, I'm guessing that's what's happening. At this point no one really cares anyway. It's probably the equivalent of "Sorry Sailor-chan, but the real jewel is in another castle." Bastards!<br /><br />Despite the super-thin attempts at a plot, "Blocken" is very fun to play. The controls are very smooth and the pace is set just right to lull one into a false sense of security just before a rain of terror begins to fall. Each round moves by quickly. You only get one life per-game, but being able to continue at the same place makes playing through to the end quick and enjoyable. There isn't much in terms of strategy other than "don't miss the ball" and "catch all the power-ups." You're not going to play "Blocken" because you're looking for a soul wrenching odyssey of the heart and mind, you're going to play "Blocken," again and again, because it is fun. <br /><br />There's not much to say about the sound, but what there is you can check out in <br /><a href="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvblocken/blockensounds.mp3">this 545k MP3 of "Blocken" sounds.</a><br /></span>Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-74402092482840731242006-12-19T12:37:00.000-06:002006-12-19T12:42:54.138-06:00Who's Honoring Me Now?It looks like <a href="http://theatarithief.blogspot.com/2006/12/playing-with-my-wii-in-dark.html">my Wii photos</a> have landed on yet another blog that I've admired for some time. <a href="http://thinkingpictures.blogspot.com/">Think In Pictures: Adventures in Visual Education</a> is a blog about, well, various interesting visual things and what they mean to us and our day-to-day lives. It's chock-a-bloc with amazing photography, design, games and anything else that tickles Jeremiah McNichols' fancy. To have my work <a href="http://thinkingpictures.blogspot.com/2006/12/action-painting-with-wii.html">featured on his site</a> is quite an honor. Once again I'm amazed at where these photos are winding up. Now someone go post them on <a href="http://digg.com/">Digg</a> or something! Just make sure to link to <a href="http://theatarithief.blogspot.com/2006/12/playing-with-my-wii-in-dark.html">THIS</a> post. Thanks!<br /><br />On a side note, make sure to check back soon (or just add me to your RSS feed) as I'll be posting both a new MAME review and my <a href="http://joelschlosberg.blogspot.com/2006/11/announcing-carl-sagan-memorial-blog.html">Carl Sagan Blogathon</a> entry in the next day or so.Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-74211009374600715742006-12-16T12:44:00.000-06:002007-03-19T08:41:09.603-06:00Chiller - 1986 - Exidy Inc.<center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvchiller/chillertitle.jpg" alt="" /></center><br /><br />Ever since the dawn of video games, hell, ever since the dawn of <i>pinball</i> games (OK, maybe pool was first? No, poker? Dammit...) critics have been charging that they cause violence in those who would play them, as if we humans are born without the capacity for anger and only learn it through pantomime. It is rarely mentioned that, despite the wide range of simulated violence on the screen, the player is almost without exception the good guy, the hero, the savior of the game-world. The player must learn and follow the rules, overcome their various handicaps (no skills, weakness, no tools, puzzles, riddles, clever bosses, mazes, etc...) and work toward a goal that often involves saving those who are weaker or less fortunate. Even the games in the "Grand Theft Auto" series often have the protagonist forming friendships, albeit with gang-members and crime-lords, but they are friendships none-the-less. Co-operation and a clear understanding are required to succeed. Yet those with a political agenda can always dip into the ol' video-game violence pool whenever their numbers with soccer-moms start to slip. Of course that rarely stops the stunningly ignorant parents from purchasing "mature" rated games for their 10 year-olds, and the cycle continues.<br /><br />It is rare to see a player set in a world where their opponents are human, and almost unique to see those other humans in a position of total helplessness. Again, it is usually the case that the human opponents are very strong, much more heavily armed and totally balls-out evil. You know, your Saddam, bin-Laden, Jong-Il types. They may have crawled out of the waters and climbed down from the trees with the rest of us, but that was the last time they could be officially called human. As the player, we are doing the world a solid by getting rid of these bat-shit insane bosses and their legion of unquestioning followers. It is quite rare, then, to see a game where the goal is the outright torture of innocent human beings, where total annihilation of bodies equals bonus points, and the rewards are the death screams of the victims and points on something called the "ectoplasmic tabulator."<br /><br />Ladies and gentlemen, "Chiller" is pretty fucked up, and horridly awesome.<br /><br /><center><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/FMn6ozhaALU"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/FMn6ozhaALU" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></center><br /><br />Continue after the jump, but don't say I didn't warn you.<br /><br /><span id="fullpost"><br />Brought to us by the team that did similar light-gun shooters like "Crossbow" and "Crackshot", "Chiller" takes a major right-turn down the path to hell. Set in the bowels of some sort of castle/mansion/yermom'sbasement environment, "Chiller" runs through four stages featuring various degrees of torture and man's inhumanity to man...and woman. Before we get to that, let's take a look at the opening screen.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvchiller/chillergetready.jpg" alt="" /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Here we see a grid of the four rooms, "Torture Chamber," "Rack Room" (really just another torture chamber), "Hallway" and "Graveyard." No touchy-feely "cemetery" for "Chiller", although they do stop short of "boneyard." Next to the room list are the eight special targets contained in each room, or rather the <i>results</i> of hitting the targets. You'll have to figure out what the actual targets are for yourself, but don't worry, it's really easy. There's even a helpful disembodied hand that floats around pointing to the special areas. When you hit the correct target you are rewarded with a special sound (and by "special" I mean some "sort-of distorted static," just like most of the other sounds.) When all eight are collected you'll once again be rewarded with a blast of noise, and then you'll just have to make sure to empty the "monster meter" before the time runs out. You do this by shooting absolutely everything, "everything" mostly being the flesh of various helpless people who have somehow found themselves strapped down and tied up. This makes hitting them <i>much</i> easier. Like, eyes-closed or while-doing-you-taxes easy. Here's the first group of party-people:<br /></div></center><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvchiller/chillerstage1.jpg" alt="" /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Oh yeah! Who brought the chips?!<br /><br />As you can see, there are several instruments of doom here in the "Torture Chamber." The most fun is the head popping deal over there on the right. That guy can't even sit or stand properly! You'll be doing him a favor by flattening his skull. A few shots to the handle will do. There's also the guillotine there in the center. Good times. The more you shoot the people, the more they become bloody and parts-falling-off-ish, (but no, you can't expose any boobies here) until finally:<br /></div></center><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvchiller/chillercarnage.jpg" alt="" /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Total carnage! I <i>love it!</i> ("Smash TV" anyone?)<br /><br />Once you've racked up (or racked <i>off</i> actually) enough points on the "Monster Meter" your remaining time will be added up in the "Ectoplasmic Tabulator."<br /></div></center><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvchiller/chillerecto.jpg" alt="" /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Now it would seem that the creators of "Chiller" were oddly hesitant to call these something more apt like "blood points" or "gore gauge" or "number of times you can make that guy scream by shooting him in the thigh-o-meter." The use of "monster" and "ectoplasmic" makes it seem more like you're fighting a traditional zombie shooter than a human torture sim. Sure, there are a few "monsters" scattered here and there, if you consider bats and rats to be monstrous. Perhaps "Chiller" is more like "Silent Hill" where the people are really just figments of the player's imagination and we're just working out the ghosts in our past as we travel up and out of the depths of the castle? <br /><br />Hmmm. <br /><br />Nah.<br /><br />If you manage to get all of the eight special targets, you are given the chance to play a slot-machine bonus game and win either extra points or a free game.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvchiller/chillerslot.jpg" alt="" /></center><br /><br />This is mostly impossible to play and it's best to just shoot fast and get back to the real game. It <i>does</i> have a rather nice "blurt!" noise when you lose though.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvchiller/chillerstage2.jpg" alt="" /></center><br />Here's the "Rack Room." Sure enough, there is not one, but <i>three</i> racks with people laying all over them. One guy wasn't lucky enough to score a rack, so he's just stretched out on the cold stone floor. Poor guy. Couldn't the master of the house at least get him an AeroBed or something? There's also someone strapped to a rope and dangling over a rushing river of blood full of heads and other groady gunk. You can lower the hanging guy into the river while a rather enthusiastic alligator (or is it a crocodile, I always get those two mixed up, but then again, one green blob of pixels is as good as any other green blob of pixels in <i>this</i> game) slowly eats him from the feet up. While feeding the green pixel monster all Bond-style is good for a larf, the racks are the true stars of the show here, and pulling people apart has never been easier. A shot or two to the levers and "shlorp!" Done! Again, no matter how hard you try you just can't shoot off the woman's bra, and don't say you didn't try! What I want to know is who the hell keeps throwing knives at the guy on the far left? Whoever it is, they are an <i>awesome</i> shot.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvchiller/chillerstage3.jpg" alt="" /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">The third stage, "Hallway," is easily my favorite. The music (this is the only stage, other than the bonuses, with music) sounds like a ghost stomping on a piano, playing a sort of Keystone Cops chase scene. There are no actual people here to blast away at, and the only signs of suffering are the occasional hand or leg floating around. There is a (fully clothed!) woman who (who can't be shot) walks out with a candle, and you can dump her in the trap-door pit with a well timed blast to the right spot. There's a mummy in the coffin to the left, and not only can you rip off the cover of the coffin to get to it, but you can blast all the way into it's Valentine's Day heart. The best part is the giant green head the floats out over and over until you blow it's eyes out. Classy!<br /><br />After this batch off totally-not-torture targets, you'd think that maybe we were getting out of the more depraved sections of the castle and out into the sweet air of freedom. You probably also believe that there is a God and that He is Good.<br /><br />Nope.<br /><br /></div></center><i><i><br /></i></i><center><i><i><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvchiller/chillerstage4.jpg" alt="" /><br /><br /></i></i><div style="text-align: left;">Here we emerge from the castle, only to find ourselves in the "Graveyard." But lo! Are thems the boobies we've been taunted with for nigh on four stages now? Yes! Finally we can totally degrade a women to the fullest by shooting her goddamned tits off! Jackpot!<br /><br />Seriously, there's little else to mention here. The staggeringly mind-blowing audacity of this scene is probably enough. Ah, what the hell. There is also a batch of hands that punch out of the ground, only to toss heads and limbs into the neighboring grave that happens to be a flaming open pit straight into Hell. Oh, and that long, pointy gravestone on the top left spurts blood out of the top when shot. It just doesn't <i>get</i> any better than this.<br /><br />Now, we've endured all four stages of depravity, shot everything in sight like a tailgunner on meth and found all of the secret stuff, clearing the grid. Time for the holy grail, the bonus game we've spent all of ten or fifteen minutes working toward. This thing is going to be <i>mint</i>. I mean, after fountains of blood and riddling chicks with bullets like stupid-crazy, these guys must have something truly special in store for us.<br /><br />Oh man, I can hardly contain myself.<br /></div></center><br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvchiller/chillerbonustext.jpg" alt="" /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Don't miss any? Oh wow, any <i>what</i>? The mind boggles. This could be <i>anything</i>. Puppies? Babies? Maybe an even <i>nakeder</i> woman?<br /></div></center><<br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvchiller/chillerbonus.jpg" alt="" /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Wait, what? Target practice? This is just that stupid image behind the grid of secret things with a few skulls and heads floating around..and it's really hard! No fair! Oh damn, I missed one...wait...No! I have to start all over? Grr! I'm so mad! I could just shoot someo...oh hay, wait.<br /></div></center><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvchiller/chillerothers.jpg" alt="" /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">That's it. That's "Chiller". Not exactly chilling, but certainly messed up. It's a crappy game, but the originality of the subject matter makes it a must play if just to be able to say you've played it. The sound is horrible but the control is excellent, almost Wii-like. The images are alright but very pixelated,which is probably for the best. No one really wants to play a photo-realistic game like this. If you do, then there's <i>seriously</i> something wrong with you.<br /><br />Moms, blame these guys:<br /></div></center><br /><center><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvchiller/chillerteam.jpg" alt="" /></center><br /><br />What have we learned here? What life lessons can we take away from the "Torture Chamber?" Did we manage to glean any of the secret cosmic, er, secrets from the lips of that guy before the alligator blob thing took it's final bite? How could we set up a totally sweet trap door to surprise the hell out of mom the next time she beings a sandwich down to us in our game ro...er..."Rack Room?"<br /><br />I have no idea. I'm too busy trying to get this ice-pick into that sweet-spot in my brain, right behind my right eye. That's where I keep the memories of my time playing "Chiller". <br /><br /></center>For a taste of the mono-phonic sound extravaganza that is the "Chiller" soundtrack, download this <a href="http://www.xeromusic.com/mvchiller/chillersounds.mp3">498k MP3 of "Chiller" sounds.</a> It features the cool monster piano stomp as well as a mighty fine "blorp!" Loser.<br /></div></span>Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-18962666085763546722006-12-12T09:45:00.000-06:002006-12-13T18:40:49.360-06:00Vote for Bad Astronomy<center><img src="http://static.flickr.com/137/320844236_876f085977.jpg"/></center><br /><br />One of the coolest science-for-the-better-than-average-Joe sites out on the blag-o-nets is <a href="http://www.badastronomy.com/">Bad Astronomy</a>. Not only does Phil Plait write in plain terms about stunningly awesome things like <a href="<br />http://www.badastronomy.com/bablog/2006/12/06/liquid-water-on-mars/">water on Mars </a>, but he also whips up the occasional <a href="http://www.badastronomy.com/bablog/2006/12/09/science-versus-religion/">tirade against the stupids.</a> It's a no-brainer that I've voted BA for <a href="http://2006.weblogawards.org/2006/12/best_science_blog.php">Best Science Blog</a>. You should too! BA is running up against some blog about <a href="http://www.badastronomy.com/bablog/2006/12/10/a-vote-for-me-is-a-vote-against-the-eventual-squid-domination-of-the-earth/">Japanese tentacle porn</a> or something. Do we really need any more of <i>that</i>?<br /><br /><a href="http://2006.weblogawards.org/2006/12/best_science_blog.php">Vote today</a> and every day through Friday, or lube-up your orifices and be prepared to hail our new sucker-limbed overlords.Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-50576570178470729542006-12-11T18:27:00.000-06:002006-12-19T16:17:13.184-06:00Playing with My Wii in the DarkThe other day I shuffled out of bed in the early morning darkness and was greeted with the soothing light of my pulsing Wii slot. I saw the digital camera in range and, inspired, changed my route from the usual b-line to the coffee maker instead to the couch in front of the Wii. I sat there for a long time, playing with some settings and taking a ton of photos of the glowing glory that is the Wii version of the hideous "You're got MAIL!!!!" message. The results were rather unexpected.<br /><br />Since I first posted these photos in my old blog they have been posted to both the <a href="http://gonintendo.com/?p=10163">GoNintendo</a> and <a href="http://www.destructoid.com/dude-long-pause-the-wii-is-like-trippy-28523.phtml">Destructiod</a> front pages. I never imagined they would have reached such heights of gamer uber-coolness, but then again, they <i>are</i> rather lovely. I'm honored at the attention as I vist both sites several times a day and have a huge amount of respect for all of the work that goes into them. Thanks guys!<br /><br /><b>*UPDATE*</b> - The awesome blog "Thinking in Pictures" <a href="http://thinkingpictures.blogspot.com/2006/12/action-painting-with-wii.html#comments">has also featured these photos</a>. Holy crap!<br /><br />You can download larger versions at <a href="http://static.flickr.com/128/319848420_c7ae258cc7.jpg">my Flickr space</a> and you can get larger desktop sizes at <a href="http://dirtyknobs.livejournal.com/209050.html">the old entry</a>. You really need to see the full-size versions to get all the detail. They make awesome wallpapers! <br /><br /><center><img src="http://static.flickr.com/128/319848420_c7ae258cc7.jpg"/><br /><img src="http://static.flickr.com/126/319853776_549235834e.jpg"/><br /><img src="http://static.flickr.com/139/319853770_4ea4a415aa.jpg"/><br /><img src="http://static.flickr.com/142/319853769_8bc06f057b.jpg"/><br /><img src="http://static.flickr.com/143/319853767_d107d5a153.jpg"/><br /><img src="http://static.flickr.com/132/319853765_99fbb0f602.jpg"/></center>Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-18863832259489256752006-12-06T07:11:00.000-06:002007-03-19T11:36:43.718-06:00The Star Wars Holiday Special 1978<img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap003.jpg"/><br /><br />I spent a large part of this Sunday watching one of the most unusual pieces of Star Wars lore that one could possibly stumble across. The Star Wars Holiday Special. It’s the holy grail for many Star Wars fans, as it has the honor of being universally regarded as the worst thing ever officially released by the Lucas/Star Wars camp. The “officially” part is key. This had the approval of Lucas and everyone else. It <I>had</I> to have been worked on by at least <I>someone</I> with at least a thumb-full of talent and respect in the biz, yet, well, you shall see. It features some great acting by Harrison Ford, some drunken stumblings from Carrie Fisher, many songs, little green men with little green packages, wookie masturbation, Jefferson Starship, and an electric Kool-Aid acid cartoon. It really <I>is</I> something <I>special</I>.<br /><br />I’ve spent 5 or 6 hours watching and writing this 3400+ word review. I’ve included over 160 screen shots to illuminate it. It’s a bit long, but believe me, not <I>nearly</I> as long as the actual 1 hour 40 minute show.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap138.jpg"/><br /><br />Continue if you dare.<br /><span id="fullpost"><br /><br /><center><b>The Star Wars Holiday Special - November 17th 1978</b></center><br /><br /><I>note1</I>: Please keep in mind that I was writing and screen-capping this as I watched it. Some of the descriptions may be a bit terse. You decide weather or not this is intentional due to disgust, exhaustion, or just to save time.<br /><br /><I>note2</I>: Also keep in mind that this was only the second full-length program to feature the Star Wars universe. Only one movie had been released.<br /><br /><I>note3</I>: Remember, this is <I>official Star Wars cannon</I>, meaning that if it happens here, it really for-real happens. This isn’t some fan-fiction. This is <I>real</I>, or at least as real as anything in the movies. More real than, say, the books. Remember this…<br /><br /><b>Let’s begin.</b><br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap002.jpg"/><br /><br />The action opens with Han and Chewbacca escaping from a star destroyer. Blasters fire all around, shaking the telephone-booth size set. Chewie takes this opportunity to remind Han that he needs to get home soon. Han assures Chewie that yes, ok, I'll get you to "Life Day" on time. This is apparently worth risking both of their lives for. He plots a risky jump to light speed (aren't they always risky?) and they're off.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap003.jpg"/><br /><br />Cut to the logo, fan-fare, and voice-over introductions of the main players in this holiday farce, including, most importantly, Chewbacca's family.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap004.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap005.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap006.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap007.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap008.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap009.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap010.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap012.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap013.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap014.jpg"/><br /><br /><br />That's right, his wife Malla, father Itchy, and son Lumpy are all in attendance. Even the announcer sounds embarrassed about having to say these names. <br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap015.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap016.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap017.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap018.jpg"/><br /><br />Then come the special guest stars, most of which are over the age of too-fucking-old to be in a Star Wars special aimed directly at 10year-olds. Beatrice Aurther, Art Carney, Dianne Carroll, The Jefferson Starship and Harvey Corman. Oh god.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap019.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap020.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap021.jpg"/><br /><br />We are quickly ushered away from this car-accident waiting to happen, and land on what must be Chewie's home-world of Kashshiikkkikik, or whatever. We find Itchy building a model X-Wing fighter, while Lumpy is running around with his own model like a kid in ape suit with one-too-few eye holes. This is too much for Itchy to handle, so he barks a few times at Lumpy. Mama Malla tries to defuse the tension by making Lumpy do some work in the kitchen. It should be noted that none of this is in English or even subtitled. It's all in the usual barking and whining you'd expect from wookies. It's sort of like watching mimes retching while directing traffic.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap022.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap023.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap024.jpg"/><br /><br />Lumpy isn't having any of it though, instead sneaking a Wookiee Cookie (yes, they <I>are</I> called this later on in the show.) He is then sent off to the laundry room, which is apparently just to the right of a 300 foot drop. Lumpy, ever the focused young lad, decides it would be better to take a walk on the railing.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap025.jpg"/><br /><br />Meanwhile, Itchy and Malla are wandering around the living room grunting and looking at things. This is television history in the making. Really long, boring history. Eventually, Lumpy comes back, somehow avoiding anything interesting like falling off the railing or even doing the damn laundry. Itchy decides to bust out some entertainment for the young cub, because hey, trying to get him to <I>do</I> something didn't work for 30 seconds, so let's just give up. What he shows him, I swear to god, is a tiny green naked man dancing around. And his many colorful and just-as-gay circus friends.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap026.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap027.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap028.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap029.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap030.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap031.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap032.jpg"/><br /><br />For some reason, Lumpy wants to see this at life-size, flips a switch, and zap, there you go, life-size green nads. The circus shenanigans continue, with greeny bringing out more and more tumblers and jugglers, each with increasingly pronounced crotch regions. This continues for about forever, or roughly 2 minutes.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap033.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap034.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap035.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap036.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap037.jpg"/><br /><br />Mom breaks up the "fun" by insisting the Lumpy do the dishes, or, at least, the dish. She, in turn, takes advantage of this break in the action to check up on Chewie, but he's still not in the area. Then it’s off to the video-phone, which is conveniently placed behind at least three different panels in the bookcase. She makes a call to Luke, causing him to fuck up some super space-hardware. After more grunting and arm-waving, Luke concludes that Chewie must be late for Life Day. Well, good ol' Chewie hasn't missed a Life Day yet, so he won't miss this one, right? Good job Prof. Luke. So it's back to work on some piece of equipment far advanced beyond our understanding that can be ruined by R2 breathing on it.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap038.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap039.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap040.jpg"/><br /><br />And it's back to the ol' boob-tube for Malla. After a bit of fine tuning (OK, far too much fine tuning) she locks on to...well...something. Art Carney running a shop full of curios, apparently. Things like a pocket sized aquarium. The Imperial pilot is not interested. Art sees that Malla is on the wall-screen, and proceeds to tell her that her "shaggy carpet" is “on the way.” Made by a women, by "hand, solo." Wow. After he hangs up, there is some more banter with the pilot, that, like so much else, goes on way too long, and awkwardly ends with Carney talking to himself under his breath.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap041.jpg"/><br /><br />We're then treated to a very short cut of Vader walking and telling his commander to search "every household in the system" to find the Rebels. This is why they need clones. <I>Every</I> household in the <I>system</I>? Nevertheless, this scene lasts about 5 seconds. Then it's back to the stupid damn wookiees...<br /><br />Groan. <br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap042.jpg"/><br /><br />Malla is watching a cooking show on how to cook bantha surprise. With Corman playing the woman cooking.<br /><br /><b>Groan.</b><br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap043.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap044.jpg"/><br /><br />What follows is...wow...dreadful doesn't begin to describe it. Well, maybe it <I>begins</I> to describe it. Again, it's painfully long, with Corman eventually chanting "Stir! Whip! Stir! Whip!" over and over. And <I>over</I>. Then he...ug...grows a third arm to add "Beat!" to the mix. And on and on. Really. That’s all he does. The only reason it ever stops is because Malla turns it off mid-rant.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap045.jpg"/><br /><br />Then, a blessed release from this hell. We are brought back to Han and Chewie, still running from the Empire. They entered the wrong coordinates, sending them into the middle of an Imperial convoy. Harrison Ford’s acting here is just as good as anything from the actual movies (well, the one that had been released thus-far at least) and he deserves nothing but respect for his performance. Cutting in movie footage of the dog fighting doesn't hurt either. Unfortunately, it doesn't last long. Probably because it was making everything else look oh so bad.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap046.jpg"/><br /><br />Meanwhile, back at home, the Empire has declared marshal law because of some Rebel activity on a planet called Kazook. Do they mean Kashikkkk (or however you spell that sillyness)? There's a knock on the door. It's not something interesting like a stormtrooper or paint drying. <br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap047.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap048.jpg"/><br /><br />It's Art Carney. Bearing gifts. Nothing like any other holiday we know of. Nope, this is Life Day, so shut the hell up.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap049.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap050.jpg"/><br /><br />Lumpy gets a computer. Oh good, 'cause they don't already have about 15 of them. Itchy, however, gets something, "it's kinda like…<I>wow</I>…" as Carney describes it. He plugs it into one of those old-style salon hair-dryer chairs, slaps the helmet on, and, well, <b>wow</b> ensues.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap051.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap052.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap053.jpg"/><br /><br />Fade in to a kaleidoscopic background with swooshy, spacey music. Add a bunch of women "swimming" around in white leotards. A voice says "I know you're searching for me. Searching..." What follows is quite familiar to anyone who has ever dialed a phone-sex service. Dianne Carroll saying things like "I'm here just for you." and "Oh, we <I>are</I> excited, aren't we?" And, Jesus Christ, "Just relax. Now, we can have a good time." "I am your pleasure, so enjoy me." They stop short of actually showing Itchy jerking off, but trust me, it's only because they keep the camera above his waist. Really. No. I'm <I>not</I> exaggerating. They <I>do</I> have him grunting and jerking around a lot. Then Carroll sings her song about wanting to hold on to "this minute." It's quite tame, but pretty psychedelic none-the-less. And runs about 6 minutes. Itchy still has a little staying power after all these years.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap054.jpg"/><br /><br />Cut to C-3PO and Leia trying to contact Malla. They do. After Leia stands and wobbles rather drunkenly to the screen, they find that Chewie and Han are still missing. No one seems to care. End of scene.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap055.jpg"/><br /><br />Cut to Han and Chewie nearing the planet. Too much Imperial traffic causes them to land on the far side. Chewie will have to walk. After-all, we're only about 1/3 of the way into this "special." Dear god…<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap056.jpg"/><br /><br />The ship passes over the house, everyone thinks it's Chewie, they run to the door, and <I>Zing!</I> Stormtroopers! Yes! Maybe <I>now</I> something interesting will happen.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap057.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap058.jpg"/><br /><br />And it <I>does</I>. That is, if you think of Jefferson Starship as interesting.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap059.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap060.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap061.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap062.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap063.jpg"/><br /><br />Yes, after a lot of shuffling around, stormtroopers tapping on walls, Carney getting interrogated by the Imperials and stuttering his way though way too much of the same dialog over and over, he presents a box to an officer. Again, more fucking around follows, and eventually the box displays a tiny, pink, totally lame sounding band. Some of the worst pantomiming ensues, as well as some of the worst lyrics "Will you light the sky on fire? You can take me higher than the diamonds in the sky." It's obvious that they spent at <I>least</I> 14 seconds writing and recording this song.<br /><br />The actual "drama" section of this scene is actually OK, or at least acceptably horrible. Carney is asked to leave, and the search continues. Malla tries to rough up a 'Trooper, guns are waved around, and eventually she acquiesces. Lumpy wanders off to yet another computer console, straps on some headphones, and watches a cartoon.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap064.jpg"/><br /><br />There are few things I know about this show. I've avoided reading all but one review of it. But I <I>do</I> know that most people say the cartoon is the best part of the show, mostly because it's the very fist official appearance of Boba Fett. Naturally, I've been looking forward to this. Two notes, the voices are all done by their respective actors (good) and the art is fucked, up. (very bad)<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap065.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap066.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap067.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap068.jpg"/><br /><br />Han and Chewie are missing. (Can't these guys get ANYWHERE on time?) They have been looking for some sort of talisman that makes things invisible. They appear on a screen with Han bouncing around up-side down in the background. Luke sets off to intercept. The Falcon crash lands on a moon made of pizza sauce.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap069.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap070.jpg"/><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap071.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap072.jpg"/><br /><br />Luke follows, fights off a sea monster, runs away. Then the monster is zapped by...<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap073.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap074.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap075.jpg"/><br /><br />Boba Fett! On a similar, but much bigger, sea monster. Fett saves Luke, calls him "friend," and warns Luke of Imperials in the area. He also says that "no lower life-form is worth going hungry for, friend."<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap076.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap077.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap078.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap079.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap080.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap081.jpg"/><br /><br /><br />They find the Falcon, Chewie tosses out the talisman because what the fuck did they want it for anyway really, and Luke gets shot in the back by Fett. 3PO tells Fett to stop because Luke is a friend, and that there is some sort of sleeping virus that only contaminates humans. The only way to keep them alive is to let the blood rush to their heads. Fett is familiar with the Imperial virus and can get a remedy from the city.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap082.jpg"/><br /><br />Chewie follows Fett into the city.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap083.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap084.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap085.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap086.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap087.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap088.jpg"/><br /><br />Fett ditches Chewie and makes contact with Darth Vader.<br /><br />Then for some reason they see fit to cut back to the Wookie family for the commercial break. Nothing happens.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap089.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap090.jpg"/><br /><br />Back to the cartoon. 3PO and R2 intercept the transmission.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap091.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap092.jpg"/><br /><br />Fett then tells Chewie that he's got the serum and they leave the city. Fett fires wide of their pursuing stormtroopers, but Chewie grabs a gun and blows the shit out of them. <br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap093.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap094.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap095.jpg"/><br /><br />They join their friends and give them the serum. Luke calls Fett a loyal friend, but R2 and 3PO inform them otherwise.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap096.jpg"/><br /><br />Fett takes his leave.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap097.jpg"/><br /><br />Chewie says he knew all along that Fett wasn’t a friend because he smelled bad. Cue Scooby-Doo laughter.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap098.jpg"/><br /><br />The end.<br /><br />This has been far and away the best part of the special so far. The sounds are taken right out of the movie, the voice acting is as good as can be expected from a bunch of actors who are getting paid well for a days work, the animation is fluid, and the character design is, well, troubling to say the least. Still, overall, in the grand scheme of this horrid spawn of some drunken dare, it’s pretty good stuff.<br /><br />We are now officially over half-way into the special. One out of almost two hours down.<br /><br /><I>I think I'm going to die.</I><br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap099.jpg"/><br /><br />Back to the Wookiee home and the Imperials are ransacking the place. Lumpy finds his bantha doll missing a head, so he puts the pieces under a blanket. Then, like every other good American boy, he turns on his computer.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap100.jpg"/><br /><br />Following an instruction video, Lumpy begins to construct his <I>new</I> computer. Once again, Harvey Corman fills the screen. This times he's a malfunctioning robot of some sort, a lot like Max Headroom. No, a <I>lot</I> like Max Headroom. Pretty annoying. Nothing really happens until Corman eventually burns out. End of scene. Wha?<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap101.jpg"/><br /><br />Next <I>*sigh*</I> the troopers all gather 'round the TV to watch an Imperial video about the wonderful life on Tatooine. It's a soap opera, or something very close to one, set entirely in a cantina similar, although much much much smaller, to the one in the movie.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap102.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap103.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap104.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap105.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap106.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap107.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap108.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap109.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap110.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap111.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap112.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap113.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap114.jpg"/><br /><br />It's got Bea Arthur and Corman, again, as a bartender and loser, respectively. Corman wants Bea to go out with him. She's not interested.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap115.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap116.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap117.jpg"/><br /><br />Then a curfew is proclaimed. Bea has to get everyone out of her bar. No one wants to leave and they all start pounding on the tables. And then, Jesus fuck, she starts <I>singing</I>.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap118.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap119.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap120.jpg"/><br /><br />It's really not too bad, but by now all I want is for this to end, and another quarter-assed song is <I>not</I> what I was hoping for. Eventually, Bea get everyone to leave (and who wouldn't) by singing at them. As is the way with this…thing, the song goes on and on for way too many choruses. It eventually ends with Corman giving Bea a rose. Aww. At least it ends. And there were a lot of neat-o aliens.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap121.jpg"/><br /><br />The Imperials are ordered to return to base, but they leave one trooper behind. It turns out that the command was actually sent by Lumpy and his new computer! Wow, something vaguely interesting. The trooper finds him, smashes the computer, and chases Lumpy out to the deck, where Chewbacca is waiting!<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap122.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap123.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap124.jpg"/><br /><br />Yes! Finally some action. Han sneaks up behind the trooper and knocks the gun out of his hand. The trooper dives for the gun, but goes over the railing instead.<br /><br />Han says hello to the family, then good-bye. Don't blink.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap125.jpg"/><br /><br />He even gives Chewie a for-real hug. Once again, even though he has few lines, Ford totally saves the day with his 100% performance. What a trooper.<br /><br />A lot of Wookiee hugs and grunts follow as the music swells, but their reunion is cut short by a knock at the door. Of course it's good ol’ Art Carney again. <br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap126.jpg"/><br /><br />Then there’s a general alert looking for the missing trooper. I can't imagine how the Empire ever gets anything done, what with having to send out a universal call over the entire Imperial network every time someone takes a few-second break to go piss. Regardless, Carney saves the day by contacting the Empire and telling them that the trooper just ran off with some food. Of course the Empire has never heard a more convincing story and sends out a search party far away from the house. Problem solved.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap128.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap129.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap130.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap131.jpg"/><br /><br />Art leaves, and the Chewbacca clan all gather 'round, holding some glass bubbles aloft. The are then somehow transported to some place where a host of other wookiees are gathering.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap132.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap133.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap134.jpg"/><br /><br />Oh, and R2 and 3PO are there. After the droids wish they were alive and could feel joy, Leia comes bouncing in all her beautiful bra-less glory along with Luke and Han. Han? Wasn’t he just…didn’t he leave… <I>what</I>? Anyway, Leia gives a speech about peace and harmony, and how we are all the same in our fight against evil. It doesn't sound rehearsed at <I>all</I>. Nope. And then, goddamnit you guys, <I>Leia starts singing! Ahh!!!</I><br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap135.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap136.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap137.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap138.jpg"/><br /><br />Han and Luke instantly go into puke-prevention mode. Leia just keeps on belting it out. She's not bad, really. Or maybe I just blew a funny-fuse.<br /><br />After her surprisingly short song, there is a montage of footage from the film, most of which prominently features Chewbacca. <br /><br />And that is the end.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap143.jpg"/><br /><br />Holy. Shit.<br /><br />Happy Life Day, everyone?<br /><br />(here are some of the people responsible)<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap144.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap145.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap146.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap147.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap148.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap149.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap150.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap151.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap152.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap153.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap154.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap155.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap156.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap157.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap158.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap159.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap160.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap161.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap162.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap163.jpg"/><br /><br />(and, as a palate cleanser and reward for sticking it out all the way, here are some toys!)<br /><br /><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap139.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap140.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap141.jpg"/><img src="http://www.xeromusic.com/zbswhsr/cap142.jpg"/><br /><br />Happy Life Day!<br /><br /></span>Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-62894441169488466262006-12-05T07:01:00.000-06:002006-12-08T19:55:54.960-06:00Games as Art -or- A Geek's Christmas List<a href="http://www.weeklygeekshow.com/2006/11/top_five_list_top_five_games_a.php">Top Five Games As Art from WeeklyGeekShow</a><br /><br />As far as I'm concerned, the debate about whether or not video-games are/can be art is a profoundly trivial one. I'm a firm believer that art is in and is <i>only</i> in the mouth/hand/eye/ears/nose/and throat of the beholder. The only people who feel a need to debate it or even bring up the debate are vacuous windbags like Roger Ebert, and no one wants to be like Ebert now <i>do they?</i><br /><br />Having said that, here is my list of most art-like video-games. Consider it your Christmas shopping list for that special geek in your life.<br /><span id="fullpost"><br /><br />-ICO<br />-Shadow of the Colossus<br /><br />I'm lumping these two together for two reasons. One, they are both produced by the same group, and two, they are both quite similar in feel. You are a lone young man trying to save a young girl from death. Your world is vast, ancient, and almost totally devoid of life aside from the beautiful landscapes. <i>ICO</i> is more of a straight-up adventure, with many black shadow beings to vanquish and seemingly unending platforms to jump and puzzles to solve. <i>Shadow</i> is a much more refined adventure. There are only a small number of foes, but the hook here is that those foes are the largest beasts you're likely to ever encounter in any game past present and future. These are the colossi. Are they evil machines of destruction? Are they simply gentle beasts defending themselves? Guess what? Kill them anyway, 'cause that cute chick in the coma ain't gonna wake <i>herself</i> up now <i>is</i> she?<br /><br />-Katamari Damacy<br /><br />This one is more art as video-game than video-game as art. It has what is quite possibly the simplest control scheme of any modern-day game, as well as the most straight-forward goal: get bigger. With the game-play and plot dealt with, <i>Katamari</i> fills up the rest with a million little tastes and touches that become instantly addictive. Add in what is inarguably the best original soundtrack ever produced (yes, I said <i>in</i>arguably, so don't even bother) and you have one of the most pleasurable and refreshingly positive gaming experiences anywhere.<br /><br />-Myst/Riven<br /><br />You can't have one with the other. <i>Myst</i> set the stage/broke the mold/tired cliche for the point-and-click genre. With no guide, you are plopped down into a living world full of odd machines and puzzling wildlife. All you can do is wonder around and poke at things, hoping to find a pattern and a purpose. When you do, most often you are rewarded with an even tougher problem, an even larger world to explore, which you will do until your eyes are bloody and your mouse-hand is a petrified claw. Then you'll start <i>Riven</i>. <br /><br />-Final Fantasy XII<br /><br />This is an example of excess as art. It never ends. I should mention that I'm still playing it, and am over 70 hours in with little sign of slowing. Let's just say that there are 13 of a certain thing to find, and I have 4, not to mention the hunts I have left and all of the other small items to deal with. What at first I thought was a fatally flawed battle system has shown itself to be both smooth and elegant. I still think the license grid is lame and flawed (my characters are still almost identically powered), and I see no reason to use more than a four or five gambits (you can set up <i>twelve?</i>), but it's a small price to pay. The world is huge and open, the amount of back-story to be found in the Clan Primer is insane, there are constant twists to the game-play, and oh yeah, the actual <i>plot</i> is epic in scope. As someone who is not going to be getting a PS3 for a couple years (if ever), <i>Final Fantasy XII</i> is/will be the best thing to happen in the RPG world for some time. <br /><br />-Killer 7<br /><br />It would be easy to focus on the visuals of <i>Killer 7</i> (surreal and cell-shaded) as the defining art-like element, but it's actually the bizarre plot that does it for me. You play as a team of seven killers fighting an army of increasingly strange enemies, all set in various equally odd places. It <i>seems</i> like a normal world, but then there is this dead guy that keeps talking to you, and the room with the old man in the wheelchair with the sexy female attendant, the guy that powers you up by mixing blood in some weird machine, and the slow realization that maybe none of this is real. Everything about this game is still fresh and original and pretty bizarre. It's not for the faint of heart.<br /><br />-The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker<br /><br />For the faint of heart, there will always be Zelda. Many people might think that the much more child-like take on the series was a step back, but for me this is easily the most fun and most elegant example of an adventure game out there. Again, the world is seemingly endless, but this time it is bursting with life as well as secrets. This is another game where you can simply noodle around digging up secret after secret without really advancing the plot. The large collection of gear opens up a vast array of game-play situations that can really make one's mind bend in new directions. For the first time, Link can express a wide range of emotions, and simply watching <i>him</i> watch the world around him can be fun. <i>Wind Waker</i> is a series of increasingly rewarding discovery, which is the exact definition of a great game.<br /><br />-Okami<br /><br />Basically, see the above review, only add a god-dog as the main character. A super awesome god-dog.<br /><br />-Rule of Rose<br /><br />Moving away from the happy world of bright colors and cartoon heroes, we have the survival horror genre. What better place to start than with the game that has just recently been banned in Italy! Rule of Rose is not happy, not fun, not revolutionary. It is a seriously flawed game that nevertheless pushes the bounds of storytelling. The plot is the only saving grace for RoR, but if you are willing to slog through the flaws you'll find a rather unique moral. Please do not listen to the scare tactics surrounding it. The reports of various lolita-esque situations have been greatly exaggerated. This is a game about a girl, her dog, and ownership. Oh, and a group of girls that <i>totally</i> finger-bang each other!!!1OMG!<br /><br />-Silent Hill 2<br /><br />The awesomeness of SH2 is tough to sum up in one badly presented paragraph. It's the defining game of the survival horror genre (because I just can't think of Resident Evil as survival horror anymore). It features a hero that is a weak, impotent putz with girl issues. The world regularly falls apart into a hell of rust and cages full of monsters that are walking nightmares and music from the insane drummers of Azathoth. Again, you'll often find yourself wondering if any of it is real. Every path is an endurance test for your nerves, with the prison and hospital levels left to weed out even the most bold adventurers. <br /><br />-Super Breakout<br /><br />This could go on forever, so I'll leave with this, what is still possibly my favorite game ever, <i>Super Breakout</i> for the Atari 2600. Simple can't get much simpler: Hit the ball, break the bricks. The control can't get any more refined: left or right. The sound can't get any more basic: square waves. Yet every game is different. Every path leads to a new world. The end is always just out of reach yet the desire to reach it always grows stronger. This is art.<br /></span>Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-85706965285361810532006-11-09T12:35:00.000-06:002006-12-08T15:20:07.829-06:00Atari Natsukashii<i>"Video game publisher Atari announced that it will seek approval from shareholders to effect a one-for-ten reverse stock split, in an attempt to raise the company's sagging $0.50 share price above the Nasdaq's $1 minimum requirement for continued listing.<br /><br />In addition to the stock split, the company is also asking for shareholders' approval to reduce the company's outstanding shares to one-tenth their current number."</i><br /><br />I must admit, I haven't given a hell about Atari's success since I sold off all my 2600 stuff way <i>way</i> back in the day (kicks self). I couldn't even tell you the name of any of the games they've released since than. Nevertheless, hearing that Atari my soon vanish off the face of the Earth is a little sad. <br /><br />I owe an awful lot of myself to Atari and their humble 2600 system. Sure, I was standing on bar-stools to reach the controls of Gorf and Space Invaders before I ever had (or had heard of) Atari, but Atari were the first ones to bring video games into my bedroom. The arcade versions may have been bigger and louder and flashier, but nothing could compare to wrapping up in a blanket and playing Enduro late into the night on those long Minnesota winters. Atari (you were always "playing Atari" or "playing Nintendo" in those simpler days) was a much more personal experience than the loud and (back then) overcrowded arcades. It's no wonder button mashers like Mortal Kombat did so well in the mall while things like Zork had taken over the home computing scene. Simple could be beautiful if you just spent a little more time with it.<br /><br />Now Nolan Bushnell (did you know he also started Chuck E. Cheese? Man...) is talking trash about Sony (<a href="http://www.joystiq.com/2006/11/08/atari-founder-says-playstation-an-accident/">Sony was an accident...</a>) while his long-lost world-changing company is going down the tubes. Again, I couldn't care less about the man or the company. It's the fond memories of burning blocky dots and lines into the back of my eyeballs that I wonder about. Will I be able to hold on to them as the world moves on?Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-77900042463276492252006-11-06T14:05:00.000-06:002006-12-08T15:17:46.521-06:00First Impressions: Final Fantasy XII<img src="http://www.kotaku.com/assets/resources/2006/11/ZELDA_WII_APPROVED_SESSION%201%20%285%29.jpg"/><br /><br />Oh man. Only 13 days to go until I can quit my job and finally devote my life to video games! (OK, wishful thinking.) But seriously, the Wii arrives two Sundays from now, and with it the new Zelda! (<a href="http://www.kotaku.com/gaming/feature/handson-the-legend-of-zelda-twilight-princess-212137.php">Which the press is loving</a>, BTW.) So close! I'm also expecting to grab a few virtual console games if we can manage to figure out how to set up the wireless network. Any of my tech friends want to help us? Please? (Cable modem to computer to Wii, FYI.)<br /><br />As for what I'm <i>currently</i> playing, that would be <i>Final Fantasy XII.</i> The short story is that I have issues with it, but it's starting to grow on me.<br /><br />The longer story is that I think that Squeenix is very close to making a game the completely plays itself.<br /><br />We all know ("we" being anyone that has played video-games for the past few years) that classic RPGs are becoming more like movies and less like games, often touting their lengthy cut-scenes as a major selling point. (Side-note: when does a cut-scene become a movie anyway? Doesn't <i>Xenosaga</i> have some that are over thirty minutes? If <i>Battlestar Galactica</i> can get away with five minute "webisodes" then I tend to think we've long since crossed into the realm of game-as-film.) FFXII takes this lack of user control one more step by including <a href="http://image.com.com/gamespot/images/2006/270/459841_20060928_screen017.jpg">the "gambit" system</a>. Basically, each character can be given a list of orders to follow when engaging in battle. You can have them fight the closest enemy while at the same time watching out for anyone whose HP drops below fifty percent. If that happens, they will cast a cure spell or toss them a healing potion before jumping back into battle. All without a single button press from the player. These can be sent for the entire party, and there is an almost infinite range of commands. All the user needs to do is steer the party around the field. Sure, boss battles might require a few breaks in the fight while the user changes a few setting or, gasp!, actually turns off the gambits and bravely takes control themselves. Doing so, however, shows us where the conspiracy against self-control truly shines.<br /><br />It is very difficult to effectively control the entire party manually. First off, no one will do anything until you tell them to. That sounds obvious, but what I mean is that <i>usually</i> a character's "ready" meter will automatically start to fill at the start of a battle. Not so in FFXII. You must issue an order first, then the character will start to get ready. This is OK for one character, but try doing it with three and things start to fall apart. Characters can spend more time waiting for your commands and just standing around taking hits than laying the smack down themselves. This doesn't even take into account the cumbersome field menu system. It would seem that players are forced to use the hands-off gambit system to hope for anything close to success.<br /><br />The other major game system I have problems with is <a href="http://image.com.com/gamespot/images/2006/270/459841_20060928_screen002.jpg">the "license grid."</a> This is similar to the "sphere grid" from FFX, only totally broken. A character needs to buy a license in order to be able to cast certain spells, wear certain armor, use certain weapons and learn certain skills. You can spend a million gil buying every cool new weapon, but unless you've also bought the corresponding license (using license points) you cannot use them. On the other hand, you can buy licenses far in advance of your chance to pick up the equipment at a shop. This would seem to be the best route, planning for the future, but here's the catch: instead of making each character unique, this makes them all <i>exactly the same.</i> Everyone's grid is the same. There's no way of knowing what skill or equipment will work best just by looking at the license grid, so why potentially waste the points on something you won't want to use? Plus, it could be a very long time before you can even make use of a license, so why bother? What results is constantly having to go to a shop, see what's new and what's better than what you already have, go to the license grid, see what you can learn, see if anything on the grid matches the best item in the shop and on and on for every character. <br /><br />Both of these new systems only serve to bog the game down with numbers. Each character is only a set of numbers to be built up to bigger numbers. Their path through the game in meaningless when every path has the potential to be exactly the same. It's like (nerd alert) simple handing your D&D character sheet over to the DM and just watching him roll dice. "You're fighting. You won. You're fighting. You won. You all buy that new sword. Cut-scene!" <br /><br />I've never been one to enjoy war sims and the like, games where you are a general and give orders to troops, then stand back and watch the carnage. I want to <i>be</i> a character. I want to feel as if I'm helping them on their individual path to greatness. So far, FFXII is nothing but a hoop-jump through bland <a href="http://image.com.com/gamespot/images/2006/263/459841_20060920_screen003.jpg">eye-candy</a> with an <a href="http://image.com.com/gamespot/images/2006/263/459841_20060920_screen006.jpg">overbearing and muddled plot</a>. Still, I'm only about 10 hours into the game, so things may sort themselves out. Either way, this is a sad note for the PS2 and the classic Final Fantasy series we've all grown-up with to go out on.<br /><br />(Oh, and why did they record all of the dialog in a stainless-steel bathroom?)<br /><br />All of this <i>really</i> makes me look forward to the DS remake of <i>Final Fantasy III</i> 'cause, you know, <i>that</i> is going to be <i><a href="http://image.com.com/gamespot/images/2006/276/924897_20061005_screen003.jpg">fun</a></i>.Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-26604743335375519342006-10-29T14:50:00.000-06:002006-12-08T15:22:06.925-06:00Catching UpI finally made it to the end of <i><b>Okami</b></i> yesterday. I've mentioned the game a few times already, but I really can't stress enough how great it is. I logged about 50 hours, which seems to be about 20 more than most people have been taking to finish it. They also say that it could have taken them 70 or more to find everything, and that I can believe. I took my time with it and tried to find as many of the stay beads and other treasures as possible, but there are a LOT of things to find. The best aspect of the game for me was that it kept me guessing as to what was coming next in the plot. There were a few times where it seemed like the game could end, but then it would open up even further and have a huge new world to run around in. Best of all, the new material was always fresh and interesting. The game mechanics rarely changed, but the developers always found a new way of using the same controls to create a continual path of discovery. This is a very rare thing to see in adventure games. This is no mindless button masher. <i>Okami</i> is a continual trip of discovery and revelation. Its visual style is like nothing else I've seen, and the story is light with very deep undertones exploring what it means to do good and be happy. Ammy is a rare instance of a character I've loved to play and never once made me cringe or feel anything less than admiration for. How many other female dog gods can YOU name in video game history? Obviously, <i>Okami</i> gets my highest possible recommendation for anyone who is even passingly interested in gaming. It is not to be missed by anyone.<br /><br />(<a href="http://www.kotaku.com/assets/resources/2006/10/okami_tattoo_gag.jpg">Here is an AWESOME Ammy tattoo</a>, but be warned, it's new, greasy, and there's a lot of black stubble.)<br /><br />I'll finally be able to start playing <i>Xenosaga III</i> now! I've got so many games lined up that the only way to handle it is by forcing myself to focus on only one game at a time. I'll have XSIII next, then Final Fantasy XII (which is released in a couple days), them probably <i>Contact</i> and <i>Final Fantasy III</i> for the DS. I also have <i>Beyond Good & Evil</i> and <i>Psychonauts</i> (both used) waiting in the wings for a time when I'm caught up. The only problem is that the Wii is out in a couple weeks, and that's going to totally ruin everything for a while. It's a rough gaming life.<br /><br />I finally made it to the newest episode of <i><b>Battlestar Galactica</b></i> today. Everyone who said episode 4 was the best so far was right. Amazing stuff! Specifically, for me at least, the planet-fall maneuver was some of the best sci-fi goodness I've ever seen. It's amazing how a show that's not about rubber monsters and massive CGI eye-candy always seems to pull off the best CGI ever. It's always subtle and so well integrated that it seems totally real. I'm glad they're back in space too. I'm the kind of guy that always hated the Endor scenes from <i>Return of the Jedi</i> and couldn't wait until the next space battle. Plus, I think BGS needs the confines of space to really succeed as a series. It needs close quarters and isolation. Sure, the planet stuff was similar, but it just didn't feel right. Actually, that's what's great about the entire series. There is never an easy answer, never an single side, never a best way to handle a situation. This makes it very tough for me to hate any character or sub-plot, which is a very rare thing for me. Sure, Baltar is a total gimp, but what the hell. Everyone needs a gimp.Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6788347234184203921.post-27781006994919367042006-10-05T10:55:00.001-06:002017-08-31T09:47:23.173-06:00Rule of RoseI finished <i>Rule of Rose</i> last night, and I have some very mixed reactions. <b>(One plot spoiler to follow)</b><br />
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First off, despite what the various ads and previews would have you believe, RoR is not <i>nearly</i> as controversial as it sounds. Yes, it involves a society of young girls (the Aristocrat Club) and their mis-treatment of the main character Jennifer. There is no sexual content however, and the other torments she suffers would barely register on a <i>Silent Hill</i> or <i>Resident Evil</i> scale. A dead rat is about as gruesome as anything ever gets. <br />
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The story itself is very cryptic and ultimately remains that way to the end. There are very few characters, all of whom remain drastically under-developed throughout the story. The girls remain two-dimensional: the brainy one, the fat one, the pretty one, the quiet one, the sick one, etc. The other two or three grown-ups are hardly worth mentioning, aside from the fact that they are the main bad guys.<br />
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Ultimately, RoR is a story about a girl and her faithful dog Brown. Jennifer loses her family and is sent to a school/orphanage. All alone, she first finds a friend in Wendy. Not long after, Jennifer finds Brown and they too become fast friends. Wendy does <i>not</i> take this well.<br />
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As for the gameplay, it's really nothing new to the survival horror genre. Jennifer is clumsy and hard to control, running in a wide circle whenever she simply needs to about-face. The camera is fixed but you are able to swing it around behind you most of the time. The map provided is almost useless as it has no labeling of rooms in any way. Jennifer is a horrible fighter, and this isn't helped by the awful combat system. It's as basic as you can get. All you can do is swing you weapon and hope you connect. Even <i>if</i> you manage to hit the model of the bad guy, you might still miss. Apparently you have to hit a single pixel embedded in the center of the enemy. Simply hitting its arm, leg or head will not do. This very often puts Jennifer in harm's way, as the enemies don't have to play by the same rules and can often slam Jennifer to the ground simply by walking past her. This leads to some of the worst boss battles I've ever played, the first boss in particular. You have a weak weapon and very few health items at the time. He only has to hit you three times to finish you off, but you have to hit him about 20 or 30. His reach is also twice that of Jennifer's, so you have to run right up to him, swing once, hope you hit him (about a 20% chance) then turn (in a wide circle) and run (slowly) away before he can swing or lunge in return. It's some of the worst combat and the most one sided battle I've ever experienced. I only beat him because I managed to catch him in a corner behind Brown.<br />
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The main focus of the game is to find various objects that the Aristocrat Club is looking for. All of these end up being animals. Again, don't be fooled, this is a game about a girl and a dog. This isn't some twisted journey into a <i>Lord of the Flies</i>-esque fight for survival. It's a series of fetch quests, literally. Brown's main function is to sniff an item and then fetch something else that smells like it. Sometimes it's just another of the same item, sometimes it's something else. This then leads to the search for the next item and so on. It also leads to some funny shots of some very large objects suddenly appearing under Brown's nose. There are no puzzles to solve, no riddles to answer and for the most part, no battles to fight. When the baddies start to shamble around, it's often easier to simply run past them. Fighting gains you nothing, no items or greater heath or skills. There are a few smaller fights that you must undertake, but these are much simpler than the aforementioned boss battles.<br />
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The music throughout the game is excellent. It's all performed by a small string section and ranges in mood from light and almost happy to frantic and disjointed. In general it provides a calm and slightly fussy atmosphere very well suited for the subject matter of children who think that they have superior standing and who are trying to be sophisticated, when really they are just a bunch of brats going through the motions.<br />
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Possibly the best features of the game are the menu and story-book designs. They all feature shaky, child-like hand-drawn lines that end up being much more wicked and spooky than most of the highly polished CG sequences. That is also a rather apt description of the entire game. At its core, RoR is a wicked children's fable brought to a clumsy, aimless sort of life. That, in turn, is an apt description of the main plot. The children have a broken understanding of the grown-up world, and when they try to mimic it, they are doomed to failure. <br />
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Despite all of the negativity above, I enjoyed RoR very much. Then again, I always like games that break away from the traditional definition of what a video game "should" be. RoR, much like <i>Siren</i> or <i>Kuon</i>, is more about the small world it creates than trying to be the biggest and flashiest new thing. It's a clunky independent movie compared to something like a <i>Resident Evil</i> blockbuster (I'm talking about the games, not the actual movies...) They have their flaws, but games like RoR always manage to find a much deeper and far less simple path to follow.<br />
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The main question <i>Rule of Rose</i> seems to ask is, what does it mean to protect someone? To have total control over them? To want to keep them for yourself? To own them? You won't find the answers in the splash of zombie brains or a blast of machine-gun fire. You'll find them at the end of a leash.Zac Bentzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07271461489533301663noreply@blogger.com7